thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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