Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
