you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
