after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
