I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
