your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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