He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
