I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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