I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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