Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
