New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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