Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
