you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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