Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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