I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
