hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
