i love accidental penises.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
