her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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