We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
