Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
