Whod you bang
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
