Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
