Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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