I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
