Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
