then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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