Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
