So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
