Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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