is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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