You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize