If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
