no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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