i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
