some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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