Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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