I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
