Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
