I accidentally had phone sex last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
