hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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