Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
