I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
