I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
