you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
