Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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