dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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