So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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