i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
