just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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