dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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