So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
