you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
