There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
