You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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