ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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