Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize