there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
how does that bad decision feel?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
