saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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