Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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