why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
