She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
