Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
