I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
