She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
