I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
