it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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