i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
