My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
