D3 body, D1 cock
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
