i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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